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After tossing in the bed for about an hour and liters of snot dripping from my allergy-laden nostrils, I rolled out of the bunk beds.  Didn’t want my sniffling to wake the other two fellas in my room up… plus I’m pretty wide-awake right now. The pollen count here must be in the trillion millions.  So, to be honest, hopefully a little writing will chill me out so I can get a few more hours of zzz’s in before the sun comes up.

I’ve refrained from writing for several reasons.  Mainly, I’ve been wanting to focus on what the Lord is doing in me during this season of consecration and not be worried about a blog, what to write, etc.  The Lord’s dealing in me as of late has been so deep and so thorough.  And it has been the hardest thing I’ve gone through.  Hopefully this will shed some light about what’s been up with me- albeit breif. 

“I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds.” John 12:24

For those who don’t know, I felt a leading to get away from the normal routine of life and to have a season of consecration (being set apart from the world).  This leading led me to a college-age ministry where students hang up studies and other goals for a few months of teachings, community and submission to the Lord.  The door was presented to me several times prior to me accepting this call, but I didn’t know that this was really what I was needing in my life.  I had an opportunity to take a job that would be decent, great environment and would be comfortable.  But after prayer and listening to the Holy Spirit, I realize that “comfort” hadn’t really done too much for me in the past.  I was longing for a spiritual challenge where a true transformation not of my own doing would occur. 

I was needing a corner to turn in my walk with the Lord- and just simply wasn’t getting there at any rate.  I needed to break out, take a leap of faith and just submit to the Lord.  It seemed that everything that had happened in the past year was leading me to this next step in spiritual maturity.  I knew it was going to be a challenge, but after two and half months into this thing, I truly know now how much of my self that needed to be dealt with.  Folks, I can assure you that the transformation of being broken is a place where I was afraid to tread.  But it seems that daily now, I am in a place of just utter desperation for a God that can breathe life into these dry bones.  And it daily takes faith to believe that it will one day bear the fruit that will glorify God in the eyes of men so they will turn to Him. 

LEGACY School of Discipleship is a place where time stops and you are awayfrom the world just enough to be removed from empty distractions… thus causing you to really look inward and allow God to confront you on many and any issue that is keeping you from experiencing more of His life.  And that’s what Christianity is about.  It’s not about a physical building where people go to “service.”  It’s not about ceremonies.  It’s not about how  many verses you memorize.  And even though these things have importance, we miss the whole purpose of it all.  It’s about life. 

“For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.” John 3:17

Going to wrap this up.   I have much to say about what the Lord is doing.  And it’s impossible to get it all in on one post.  I hope you all are doing good and staying strong in Him.  I know times are tough.  Perhaps this blog can one day be a shining light in your lives.  We shall see.

if you listen closely you’ll hear the sound of something breaking… all my selfish needs and desires of the flesh are falling down into shards of dust.  and the desert’s winds continue to blow me into glassy mirrors that will reflect and show the glory…  the radiant light of the heavenly One.  i won’t rebuke the outer man’s busting so that the sweet smelling inner Spirit will pour out. the necessary pain and suffering is welcome if it means reaching the places i’m longing.  another day in the desert until the Lord calls me out.  i will exit the arid with something no one else has…

alabaster remains inside the shell of my issues, my emotions, my soul… and there’s only one way to release it… through the breaking of hardness that contains this gift inside.  daily trials are blessings and struggles are required to bring me and to break me in order to pour that precious, fragrant gift that continues to float around in the box of my soul.  i will expedite by not turning away during the uncomfortable…. He’s brought me too far for me to turn back… even if I wanted to go back, He wouldn’t let me.  it’s imperitive i hold on to the hope.  and this hope continues to beckon me into His word and into His presence and into His love.  through the release, i will find the most fulfilling life… where my dreams come true… and where i will be used in ways the Lord originally intended.  there is pain in the offering.

perhaps the box has already been cracked…. in fact I know it has.  i am starting to smell the Spirit coming out from me… a trickling.  in the Lord’s time, the box will be bashed and I will be broken and for good… and for my good, and for the body’s good.  for inside this box is the Holy Spirit that is a deposit of the God that continues to call me close, even when my emotions tell me to run…   so I will not run, I will walk, I will camp in the desert valleys and listen… i will be dilligent.

“When a woman who had lived a sinful life in that town learned that Jesus was eating at the Pharisee’s house, she brought an alabaster jar of perfume, and as she stood behind him at his feet of weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears.  Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them.” Luke 7:36-38

Never rebuke the Lord’s stripping, of all that hinders and all that’s keeping… all that forces Him to stop from the working the cleansing, the kneeding and the breaking.  It must occur for intimacy to be met, and amongst the hurt there’s a repaying of debt.  And amongst the giving of the presence and spirit, there begins the filling from stripping therefrom.  emotions can snuff the working of life from continuing to exist during times of strife…  so through the desert i will go, where heat and fire and burnings will blow.  and into the flame where purity attained, where the heart is maimed and therefore tamed.  by a righteousness that calls and beckons for more, and the million grains sting yet polish this stone.  into a shining rock that reflects the light, that burns the chaff and strengthens my might.  to fight and love and to love to fight this darkened world’s fallen prose.  and the position this heated ball as been frustrated therein, and the frustrating that cries for a planet’s remourse.  to hear the answer, but to scream the question that a solution is possible but transcends explanation…. yet feels so right and so at home, when a broken heart receives a heart of gold.  the kind of gold that is purified and molded, from decades of cracking and generations of folding.  it can’t be explained, but is meant to be obtained.  it can’t be contained yet longs to be experienced.  a grace so amazing that is so good it’s true, and a miracle that declares that we are indeed changing…  into something more precious and something more holy and into something more glorious than yesterday’s holding.  and after i exit this season’s desert places, i leave behind dead skin of the past’s wrongly holding.  and into new days and into new jungles and into new cities that promise some scolding.  yet i’m stronger to live and more willing to die… if it means being the apple of His eye.  For to die is gain, and I attain, the holy gift by speaking His royalty and the power of His rising.  saved by love and the dillema is resolved, and the power that once held me is underfoot…

“For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.” Romans 8:20

“That if you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Romans 10:9

To the God above and in my heart, who gives me daily fresh places to start… the mystery continues to unfold…. almost minute by minute.  A continuing crescendo of crashing waves and calls to holiness and purity and solitude and intimacy and joy.  To be at a place where all is considered loss… and everything else is a blessing…. an almost unneeded gift “just because He loves me so.”  As if I needed anything else to be thankful for.  The rain on this glass to the right of my vision is a call beckoning me to listen… and to hear the sound of washing away and sowing and reaping… He is working away in the kitchen…  Where pots and pans are banging together a concoction of adventure and infectious disaster.  A wreckage of love that keeps me coming back for me… taking me by the smell of something to worship… someOne worthy of worship. 

As I reflect on the past, mistakes and success… I see along my desire to bless…. a desire to bless and to honor with my life.  For that’s all we really have, our hearts that beat and the veins of faith that carry the fluid to action.  It’s made all the difference to simply believe, as a child yet not naive like one.  Like a child who has no worries and simply trusts that the cereal will be there in the morning and that the nightlight will not fade or falter.  So I turn off the news, disreguard financial statements, start claiming the truth that His word is the proof that allows me to live in His love and not in passing fear. 

I ask for His presence, and to not be cast from it through worldy suffice.  His presence is the gift that sustains and meanders through every part of me and finds a welcome, clean home.  You are so welcome, Holy Spirit.  I find You to be true and You are truly water to my soul… a refreshing role that owns me and rolls over me and sustains me.  Now I understand…. now I believe….. now I thrive in Your holy light… no longer will I fight it…. for there’s nothing to fear and nowhere else to run but to your presence and into Your arms that are so willingly accepting of me and my mess.  What a God that created me the way I am, with free-will and choices…. there lies within true beauty in the ability to choose the God that created me.

“I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.” Phillipians 3:10

It would be safe to say that the Lord daily teaches and ministers to those who remain under His guidance and will.  The will of God is to have abundant life and to not be suckered into the world… for all that is in it will fade away.  It feels like I am constantly being taught and stretched and molded and broken and healed and broken and taught… and not necessarily in that order.  Often times, I see myself as a steak that has been cut to see how well I’m cooked and to be prepared for seasoning.

Every day a Believer has the incredible opportunity to walk in faith, which strengthens us like nothing else can or ever will… and gets us through the day victoriously.  He prepares us for challenges, crisis and blessings… all which are guaranteed to come in their own seasons.  “Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God…” Romans 4:20. 

One of the many freedoms I am beginning to see bear fruit is this: That my past no longer defines me and that my seemingly uncertain future doesn’t rule me with fear.  When I live anywhere else but in the present, my day becomes paralyzed- and there is no freedom there.  Jesus says, “Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” Matthew 6:34

In other news… I was led to read the book “Wild at Heart” by John Eldredge… and it’s rocking my world.  It’s a very popular book, and I put it off for so long.  I don’t think I was ready to read such a powerful book with incredible insight in God’s design of Man.  Other than God’s Word, no other book as spoken so deeply to me.  It is bringing light into so many areas of my life.  One day, perhaps, I will share… it’s very personal right now and I’m still working through issues and haven’t quiet finished the book yet.  But, I will says this… every man should read this book and would be a better man because of it.

The Lord will never stop doing great things for those who believe in Him in faith.  Faith and trust continue to be the ever-present factors in my daily life…. and I imagine that they always will be (and rightfully so).  But it isn’t until the past few months that I am testing and finding that without faith, we cannot be around God.  It’s quite an adventure and I must continue to rely on God for strength to keep living for Him and to keep an eye out for the evil one’s plans.  I’m so thankful to be free and to be in this freedom.  He truly sets the prisoners free who dare to ask to be set free.

“When You ascended on high, You led captives in Your train; You received gifts from men. even from the rebellious- that You, O Lord God, might dwell there.” Psalm 68:18

Ugh. Another blog entry where I don’t know what to say, but feel the need to get some thoughts out there for public consumption.  (I love the fact that we as a society have the technological ability to hurl thoughts out into the wide space of webdom, for anyone to munch on.  It’s a truly cool thing.)

I’m struggling with being the same person in real life that I am on a computer screen. It’s easy to inspire with words, but actions are much more powerful in everyday relationships and among trials.  I am challenged by this realization that I must be the same person on cyberspace and in reality.  So, hopefully, honesty on both ends will be good for the blog and in my days and nights. 

“If you do not stand firm in your faith, you will not stand at all.” Isaiah 7:9

It is obvious to me how important faith is in the life of a Believer.  I know, what a novel idea, right?  But man, what a difference it makes to really start to call on faith in my daily routine and how it has shaped and formed my days and how it has reworked circumstances into positive opportunities to learn lessons and to alter attitudes.   So instead of running to quick fixes during uncomfortable bleeps in life’s radar, I allow the Lord, through faith, to work it out.  Again, novel idea.

I feel this is such an elementary concept of the Christian belief, but faith is something I have failed to truly hold onto stand on.  Without faith, I am a dog without a bone… a ship without a rudder… a Britney Spears without voice equalization.  And this truly life-changing epiphany about  faith and how vital it is to a Believer’s life is rocking my world in the sense that circumstances are not dictating my thoughts and actions.  Instead, my faith that God is in this thing called “life” with ME and that I don’t have to do this alone is bringing incredible amounts of peace and rest and strength… and I’m loving it…  and all this growth is happening at just the right time no less.

Dad was admitted into the hospital today for Pneumonia and a possible kidney infection.  He’s had a fever off and on all week and he finally conceded to go to the doctor, who then put him in the hospital.  Being a smoker for over 50 years, Pneumonia is very serious.  So, as mom and I sat in room 715, the sweet nurse begins to ask my earthly father some very serious questions… some very surreal questions.  Questions about mortality, living wills and such… very surreal.

I need faith now more than ever.  I need faith to be strong and I need faith to know that God hears my prayer and I need faith that He is in this thing called “life” with me.  He is a good God.

A few months ago, the Lord told me that I must never  stop seeking Him… during the good and the bad… during the boring and during the new.  Complacency gets me into trouble and I feel that there is a check in my spirit for when complacency begins to seep in.  I start to have thoughts like, “Life is good, I don’t need God.”  It’s during those times that I remember what it is like to be away from the shelter of the Most High and to be distant from Him.  I remember that life isn’t always great and there are times when life just stinks and is hard.  And then I come to the realization that when crisis occurs, I will be already walking in that faith instead of being busy trying to get back to the path of walking in the faith.  And crisis certainly will come…

It’s during the past couple of days that I am greatly encouraged with the good work that Jesus is doing in me.  It’s when we are truly having to live by faith that we see our spiritual maturity and how shiny and bright the fruit is that stems from the life of our branches.  I’ve got plenty of ways to go, but praise God for progress and praise God for visible fruit.

Please pray for my dad and that God will minister to him like never before.  Please pray for my brother and I to be shining lights for my dad.  And please pray that my mom will rest- she is an inspiration to me.

Feels good to get this out, thanks for reading and peace out and in Him.  Till next time…

-jB

Ah, the presence of the Lord is so sweet and so welcome.  And how real He is and how much He longs for us to be delivered from the past and to continue to deliver us!  Folks, this is the life.  To walk completely in the Lord’s love and His grace.  To drive down the road not looking in rear view mirror, but pressing toward, with the Lord as my fuel into the next glory…. into the next moment.  Words cannot even begin to express the goodness that is the Lord.  Watch out, I feel the empowerment of Jesus itching to come out through these fingertips! 

Lord, you are so welcome here in this place!  How I long to drink deep of all that you have to offer, and how thankful I am that I belong to you and that there will continue to be ever-increasing glories in this life and in the next.  Thank you for delivering me.  I can’t say it enough- THANK YOU.

“Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers.” 2 Corinthians 1:9-10

Everything my heart has hoped for is beginning to become real.  To not worry about the past and not fret the future.  To be at such a peace with the Lord- tis so sweet.  I’ve had glimpses of such life.  Yet my faith would often impede on the abundance of the Spirit of our living God and Savior.  I’m still struggling with words.  All I can say is that there is a fire inside burning and leaving whatever I pass through on fire. 

The Spirit of God is a fire that will not be consumed when He is dwelling in a vessel that has truly accepted the cross’ work of annihilating sin in ones life.  But yet, the cross is only the beginning of life.  The cross allows access to the abundant life by removing sin- that thing that keeps us apart from Him and in the world.  Most of us “Believers” only believe in Jesus, yet we do not enter into true fellowship with Him.  In doing so, we miss out on SO much.  We miss out on purpose, relationships, wisdom, a glad heart, so much more.  Many of us have not become ONE with the Lord…  and this is where life begins!  To abide in the vine and to bear His inevitable fruit is so satisfying. 

I know you are out there.  I feel you.  We’re frustrated, confused, hurt… longing for something more.  And we’re tired of looking from the outside-in.  We’re tired of dealing with evil desires.  We’re tired of struggling.  Well, He is here and waiting for you.  Come on in, the room is warm and the light is so warm.  There is nothing to fear.  He wants it all more than you do.  He is so available and longs for you to experience the abundant life.  He wants us to overcome and rise above this world- permanently.

“Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.” 1 John 5:5

My past frustrations have stemmed from trying to “work” for the Lord and to gain His blessings.  By not “doing” certain things.  But what I had to learn (and am still learning, I’m sure) is that this abundant life comes simply from loving God and receiving His blessing and asking for the Holy Spirit to invade my life.  We ask for the Holy Spirit’s fire to enter in and to change our hearts and to change our minds and to guide our feet and deal with us and to be completely open to the Lord’s light.  And when the Holy Spirit is welcomed into our lives, everything else begins to fall into place and the fruits of the Spirit begin to consume the evil desires and doors begin to open and our hearts become more full than we ever even dreamed!

I feel it in my soul that the Lord wants every single person that is reading this, to quit trying and to simply rest in His gifts of love and His presence.  We must quit striving.  We must quit trying to earn the Lord’s love, for it is a gift available to all.  It is for anyone who is tired of this world, cheap teachings, quick fixes, and diminishing buzzes.

Head’s up.  Not sure what this one’s going to turn into.  I’ve started this blog twice, but keep holding the delete button in writer’sblockdom.  Releasing stream of consciousness in 3…..2……1…….

Do you remember having a “good” day?  You know, one of those days where you go to bed thinking, “Now, that was a good day.”   And let’s define the word “good” in this particular discussion as NOT “just OK and average.”  Instead, I’d like to define ”good” as being a day you won’t forget for a long time.  

You know what I’m talking about, right?  A very special day, unlike many before.

I was thinking today, what are the ingredients of a day that can be called “good”?  I’ll throw out some personal things that, in the past, have contributed to a “good” day…  Things like favor, joy, green lights, twenty five cents on the ground, a phone call, seeing an old friend, waking up without the dread you have been used to waking up to, hope, purpose, friendships, a pleasant surprise, music that moves you… and on and on and on. 

I didn’t realize how much I had missed having a “good” day until I started having them again.

For most of us, our childhood contains some good memories.  Being a child, we lacked responsibility and are free to run and live and get fed and put to bed and we get that good smelling baby powder slapped on our poop chutes.  Ahhhh, those were some good times, and why?  Because we weren’t worried about what was going to come next.  We weren’t worried about that next spoon of corn pops and if it was going to show up in the morning.  We weren’t worried about the paycheck.

The Lord is really teaching me about fear and how it has destroyed my good days.  Sure, every day has it’s challenges…. we all know that.  But how aware are we about how fear keeps us from taking chances?  And how much does fear keep us from enjoying that drive into work because we are too worried about gas prices when we have no control over the cost of a gallon? And how come fear comes in so many shapes and forms in regard to our finances?

I hate money.  It is my main source of fear.  If I have enough money, I worry about that next “bad” thing that is going to suck me dry.  And when I am overdrawn three times and my overdraft protection is tapped, I’m stressed for obvious reasons.  I’m beginning to realize that there is a problem with my MIND and not with my circumstances.  Paul was certainly onto something when he wrote:  “I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:12-13

Paul was the man.  He had life figured out.  I believe he had the best of days in the worst of places.  I need to embrace his philosophy that knowing Christ means I know His power and peace NOW… and that I don’t have to wait for a better day. 

“Good” days have passed me by for so long, simply because I didn’t know that it was my mind that was preventing me from experiencing God’s goodness.  For God is “good” and God is “love” and there is zero fear in God’s good love.  Sin is also a major destroyer of “good” days.

Today was a good day.  It had it’s moments, sure.  But something was certainly different.  And I can’t help but believe that it has to do with my mind and that I choose not to believe the Enemy’s lies that I’m going to fail and that I’m going to fall.  I finally got tired of being paralyzed in my fears and decided to take control of my thoughts using God’s promises- and it’s made the biggest difference today.  I do believe that I am becoming teachable, praise God.  And I’m actually looking somewhat forward to living another day in this fallen world. 

“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. And we will be ready to punish every act of disobedience, once your obedience is complete.” 2 Corinthians 10:5-6

In other thoughts, I heard a quote from a David Wilcox song a few days ago and it’s been sticking with me.  He said, “If a heart can be so empty, then think about how full it can be.”  What a beautiful way to convey hope that is in the Lord.  That even in our saddest of days, there is another end of the spectrum where true joy is a true reality.  Very good stuff.

I am thankful that the Lord never stops dusting us off, and then He continues to clean us… even when we think we have been cleaned enough.  It seems that the deeper I get with Jesus, the deeper I realize He wants to take me.  That’s cool with me because I get bored when the scenery doesn’t change- I guess we all were… made to be moved.  *WINK*

Blessings to all of you… whoever you are…. wherever you are.  May today be a “good” day with joy and truth and love and purpose.

See you next time.

-jB

So, here I sit in a busy coffee house.  Laptops and headphones abound around me.  Everyone is in their own little safe place.  It’s good to see rain again.  So little does it rain where I came from… California would give it’s left arm for 10 seconds of what I’m seeing right now.

Re-entry into the world has been very challenging, I cannot lie.  There is so much sadness in this place.  And by no means was there a Utopian society where I came from, but it was certainly covered in prayer…. it is a spiritual bubble.  Back to reality and back to the harvest field.  Lord, keep me pure and strong. 

It didn’t take too long for me to realize that there are so many hurting people out there- including me.  How I need the Lord to move in me before He can move through me.  And it’s just too easy to check out of the commitments we make to the Lord.  Living for the Lord and taking up our cross daily is so difficult.  And this is where the luke warm are separated into a higher-class of Believers where the challenges increase, but so do the rewards.

Oh, Lord…. how I need You more now than I did yesterday.  Where else can I go but to You?  I could choose to live my own life today, but today I will choose You… knowing deep inside that this is the best decision I will make today.

As I look around the coffee shop, I wonder if the Lord can truly use me to shape His kingdom.  All these people, all with their own needs, their obsessions, their comforts and idiosyncrasies.  All with their own need for a God… a living God that can give them all the things they want. 

I’m with you coffee-shop brethren!  I raise my two-dollar cup to you- to us.  I need something more than a laptop and music to keep me moving.  I need a Lord to guide my paths and my heart and my words and my works. Daily I hold on tightly to the Lord.  I need Him now more than ever.  May He find us right where we are… and may we find joy in the rain. 

“Who is he that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.” 1 John 5:5